omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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