I'd wear matching sweaters with you
there was a trapeze. enough said
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
