I wish my penis had an off switch
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
