I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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