When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
