Kiss
Puke
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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