My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
