I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
