Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
