so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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