roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if only i could text you this smell
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
