It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
