I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
