I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
