OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
