I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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