He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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