If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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