Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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