Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
