i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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