I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize