I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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