Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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