I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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