Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
