According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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