i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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