I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
