When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
