hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
