super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
