I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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