Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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