Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
