I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
