Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
