giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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