Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
