I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
