I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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