I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish I only lived at night.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
