I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
