Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
