you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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