so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
