I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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