I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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