you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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