Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
