I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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