Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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