your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
