I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
