Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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