i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
