3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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