My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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