i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it was like eating out sand paper
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
