I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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