My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it glows. i had to have it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There are leaves in my underwear?
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