I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
