Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
