He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
