I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
