I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think i got beer on your cat.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
