My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
