farters have to be the big spoon...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
