Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And then the night went full on bisexual.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
