Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
