Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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