After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
